January 19, 2014


Happy New Year.

Lambat 19 hari but hey, masih dalam bulan January. Life is good, Alhamdulilah. Tahun ni nak masuk umur 26 tahun, masih lagi orang tanya if I'm lepasan spm. (Tetiap tahun pun mesti ada soalan macamtu, nampak sangat masih childish).

Dua enam.
Baru mula kerja.
Baru nak menapak.
Belum berkahwin.
Belum bertunang.
Belum ada anak.

I feel old. HAHAHA.

But hey, life begins at 40 katanya wewiit.
(Pujuk hati)

All my life I had been looking for something. Hidup ada makna, bukan? "Belajar rajin-rajin, boleh masuk University. Boleh dapat kerja, dapat gaji mewah. Ada rumah, ada kereta, hidup senang"

Basically people telling me to study hard, get straight A's, get married, have children and die.

And the cycle repeats for everyone.

Everywhere I turned, someone tried to tell me how to behave, how to plan for my future. Well mula-mula memang boleh terima, walaupun for a fact the answers (more like instructions) were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory.

I was naive. Well siapa je tak, kan? Kita semua pun pernah (dan mungkin masih) naive. I was looking for myself and asking everyone questions which I, and only I, could answer it. Hidup ni kita yang tentukan, bukan orang lain. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with, that I am nobody but myself.

In the end, we know what we wanna be. Kita tentukan apa kita nak, kita decide what kind of future we wanna have for ourselves and our children (If you want children lah kan).

I am learning to be free. Learning that it is okay to make mistakes with your own decisions. It might not be your best decision yet, but you made it and you will damn sure to learn from it.

I learn to let go. Let go of thinking too much on what other people might or will say about me. Let go of all the negative vibes around me, let go of all the heartaches and disappointments in my life for depending too much on other people's feeling or thoughts.

And I am happy as I could be. When you are happy, it will show. Your face will glow and you'll feel good about yourself no matter how difficult it will be. Hidup takde cabaran, tak best lah kan? We learn from it. Yang penting, just be yourself and trust yourself in making those big decisions. No matter what.

I'm changing, to be a better person. People may or may not accept that. But hey, its my own experience. We change constantly. Cuma kita sedar atau tidak je. :)

Live. Breathe. Be free.

p/s : Gua konvo lagi 6 hari! Mama, I kept my promise. :D